When Sitting In Trees
by Lady Dragon
Summary: [Oneshot - Complete] Ed is about to find out the hard way that the office grapevine can be a very dangerous thing. EdEnvy


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**Disclaimer:** I do not now, nor will I probably ever own Hagane no Renkinjutsushi. If I did own it Envy would have a starring role along side Ed and there would be much angsty-loving between the two. 

**Author's Notes:** This is my first attempt at a FMA fanfiction so please forgive any little oddities you might see in the character portrayl. Side note - this fic (I suppose) would take place sometime before episode 25, or we can pretend that the episode never happened whatever works better for you.

Incase you missed it somehow, there is shounen ai ahead in the form of EdxEnvy. If you dont like shounen ai or have something against this pairing I suggest you turn back now.

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**When Sitting In Trees**  
by Lady Dragon 

Envy had come to the conclusion that life was good. Although the current entertainment he had found and the amusement he felt right now couldn't quite compare with the thrill and excitement of last night - it _was_ a close second.

He shifted in his spot attempting to find a slightly more comfortable position yet careful not to draw the attention of the three stooges and halfling who he was unabashedly spying on. Normally sitting in a tree didn't bother him; it was actually quite fun! Especially when one got to jump out and startle unsuspecting military dogs. Not the safest of hobbies to be sure. Certainly not when it inolved soliders who liked to have an excuse to shoot anything that moved, or with alchemists who transmuted steel blades out of their automail, and others who liked to burn every thing to cinders lurking about. No, it definately wasn't the safest hobby around but Envy couldn't care less. It was his hobby and it was a fun one. Today however was different, hard thorny branches did not make good perches when one's ass was sore. In fact it caused a great deal of pain and he hated pain.

Envy could always get down out of the tree and find another way to keep an eye on his chibi, but moving now would alert the occupants of the Colonel's office to his presence. That and he'd miss out on the entertaining sight of watching First Lieutenant Hawkeye and Major Maes Hughes reprimand Colonel Mustang (the great and oh-so mighty flame alchemist) for seducing his significantly younger subordinates.

Hawkeye had already discharged a few rounds into the wall behind the Colonel's head. She hadn't fired at Edward yet, which was lucky for her.

Speaking of blonde midgets, the source of his current amusement (and pain) sat on the couch seemingly trying to sink into it's leather cushions. The chibi tried to tellt he two soliders that the hickeys were _not_ the Colonel's doing. But the two having been privy to the office grapevine for so long hadn't, or rather, couldn't believe him.

The Colonel on the other hand seemed to be stunned into a permenant state of shock after being shown first hand the artfully crafted er _designs_ decorating Edward's neck. Pft, like Mustang ever had a chance with _his_ chibi. Ed had much better taste than that! He, Envy, was living proof of this fact. The fact that said person was an androgynenous male who walked about wearing a _skirt_ and middrif baring top with no shoes didn't help his argument much.

The Colonel seemed to have finally regained his senses and tried to rally a defense against the onslaught of accusations. Envy leaned forward in his perch temporarily forgetting about his precarious situation, all attention focused on what the colonel would say. Pity he never did get to find out, for at that exact moment gravity decided to rear it's ugly head and send him tumbling to the ground below with a very undignified squeal (which he would later vehemently deny). He landed, as luck would have it, on his much abused rear end. As he sat massaging his sore bottom and muttering choice obscenities about alchemists, trees, midgets, and positions involving all three that were in no way physically possible even for a homonculus; Envy heard the unmistakeable sound of voices above him. His graceless fall had not gone unnoticed.

** - ? - ! - ¿ - **

It was going bad. Damn that Envy. Homonculus boyfriend and the whole immortality thing aside, Edward was going to kill him. He hadn't even realized that the sin had marked his neck! And of course, damn Havok who had started the rumor that he and the bastard colonel were shacking up. This situation was all their fault.

Almost as soon as he walked into the damn place everyone had noticed the tell-tale markings along his neck. Hughes had wasted no time and marched him straight over to Hakweye. At first he was certain Hawkeye was going to shoot him, instead both of them hauled him into the colonel's office. Hughes and Hawkeye had too much time on their hands Edward had decided, if they were listening to (and believing) office rumors. Where was Al when you needed him? On second thought having Al there would have definately been bad. His brother was likely to thrash Mustang around. Wait, this was a bad thing?

Maybe he should have tried a little harder to persuade the two that he wasn't sleeping with Mustang, but it _was_ kind of amusing to watch the bastard squirm like a worm (bad pun) on a hook. Oh yeah, definately funny -so long has Hawkeye didn't start shooting at him.

But as they say, all good things must come to an end.

Hughes was beginning to believe in his best friend's innocence (was that word even still applicable to Mustang?), as he didn't really want to belive the worst of Roy. Hawkeye was just running out of steam mind you, she knew Mustang a little too well to fully believe him. It was then that the Colonel stopped looking at Hawkeye like a deer caught in the headlights and looked at him. Not at his neck, but his eyes. And the look Mustang shot him made him cower and sink into the couch in hopes of imitating Wrath. Not that Edward would ever admit to being intimidated by the Colonel, oh no he was just..making himself more comfortable.

But back on track, the look that Mustang sent his way, which could not be described as just any old look by any means but rather The Look with a capital T and L, was a look that promised Ed would pay and pay dearly for this humiliation. It promised that one way or another Roy Mustang would find out _who_ was really responsible for the state of Ed's neck and then there would be hell to pay for both parties involved. Yup not good, he did not like the superior and distinctly evil (where the good guys allowed to look that evil?) look in that bastard's eyes right now. 

"First Lieutenant, despite popular belief I have never touched Full Metal in such a manner. Perhaps it would be best if our little prodigy himself enlightened us as to who... _is_, then we can all go back to work." 

And with that everyone turned and looked at him, waiting for him to say something, anything. Lying was not something he was good at, at least not when it involved lying to people who could smell a rat from a hundred yards away. He opened his, shut it then opened it again to no avail. He was at a complete loss as to what or rather whose name he should say.

He was saved by the sound of branches rustling and a high pitched scream from outside the colonel's window. In one swift motion the Colonel stood up and threw the window open, fingers poised to snap. The current occupants of the office all leaned out the window in seach of the source of the ruckus, and what they found was most definately not what they were expecting.

On the ground below stood a black cat, a single paw curled gingerly against its breast in obvious pain. The cat looked up and mewled at them pathetically, it's eyes gazing directly into Edward's own begging for attention.

"That poor _dumb_ cat." Edward cried out, to which the cat decided to fold back it's ears in protest to the insulting of it's inteligence. "I should um, take it to Al. Eh heh, yeah Al will know how to help it."

Without waiting for a comment or response from the three soliders in the roomd Ed all but flew out of the Colonel's office yanking open the door and sending Havok sprawling face first into the office and an awaiting lecture on ethics from Hawkeye. None of this however slowed him down in the least as he hurried away from certain death and straight into freedom and his lover's arms. After all how many cats in Central have Amethyst colored eyes? 

· - · OWARI · - ·

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Well hopefully no one is too out of character. So how was it for my first FMA attempt? 


End file.
